Inspiration comes from the strangest places sometimes. During a period of restlessness one night, I began to consider the Chevy Chase movie “Funny Farm”. In the story, Andy (Chase) leaves his journalist job in the city, drags his wife away to buy a Vermont farm and pursues his dream of writing a novel. Against the backdrop of the bucolic countryside, hijinks ensue and the cast of quirky characters and Elizabeth’s publication of a children’s book pushes Andy over the edge.
I considered how the characters’ gender roles led to their ultimate fates through a process one can only undertake seriously during the wee hours of darkness and I realized that marriage equality would be a really good thing for everyone.
As a society, we have found ourselves a long way from the cookie cutter image of a dutiful, apron draped wife remaining home and catering to the needs and wants of her husband and 2.5 kids. Family structures have developed into a kaleidoscope of versions with traditional and non-traditional facets coupled together so that the “norm” has become a non-norm. Yet many hold onto an “ideal” that doesn’t work for many Americans anymore for a wide variety of reasons socially and/or economically.
Despite the shift in family structure and function, there are still households that rely on a single income. Though it is primarily the females who continue to perform the domestic tasks, we find more, if only slightly more, men staying home as the women pursue their professional goals. Unfortunately, men are often discriminated against while in the domestic role and women are strained by trying to fill their dual roles. Each endures additional health issues which arise from stepping out of the prescripted roles. Additionally, since women continue to earn only about 77% of what their male counterparts earn once they pass thirty, the disparity in the earnings for a non-traditional household makes the arrangement less desirable. Once you add the societal and economic stresses together, you can see a distinct prohibition to bucking the reins of the system.
It becomes clear that sticking to the mores of a bygone era is not good for our society or our economy. People, male and female alike, should be able to choose their professional paths in a manner that is not determined by their gender and, in the case of a mother-breadwinner, less money in the family structure equals less money into the economic system.
This brings us to marriage equality. Those who argue that gay marriage is an attack against the traditional family are right. However, they miss a certain point: it is a battle against a non-existent norm that has been waged for several decades and is just now seriously beginning to include same-sex couples seeking legal rights and recognition for their place in our society. It is the time to take the fight to the doorsteps of those who want to perpetuate the fantasy.
More than simply allowing couples previously barred from the full spectrum of entitlements of marriage, the full embracement of marriage equality may help alleviate gender constraints and therefore trickle down the effects to heterosexual couples as well. As acceptance, with legal backing, ensues, the discussion of roles will no longer be regulated to just wife or husband but rather to spouses. This change in language usage will help redefine roles and their expectations. The health of partners in non-traditional families could return to normal levels since the associated stress-induced heart disease would be lessened. The value of women could be elevated to its proper place in the workspace and fathers could be free to support their families in a caregiver’s role.
Passing legislation for marriage equality is morally right in that we should respect the wishes of the members in our communities who are in committed relationships and seek to join to one another in a legal manner and, all considerations equal, it would ultimately be good for our changing society. Many of the arguments against gay marriage are found to be false. Despite the insistence that marriage must remain a religious institution or that marriage is for the purpose of procreation, we continually see secular couples marry and many people remain childless.
Perhaps if Andy and Elizabeth had attempted their experiment later, Andy could have relaxed into his new home. Though I think the crazy mailman would still have pushed him over the edge.
Boroditsky, Lera. ”How Language Shapes Thought: The Languages we speak affect our perceptions of the world.” Scientific American. February 2011.
Gartrell, Nanette K., et. al. “Adolescents of the U.S. National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study: Sexual Orientation, Sexual Behavior, and Sexual Risk Exposure.” National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study. September 2010
Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress. “The Shriver Report: A Woman’s Nation Changes Everything.” AmericanProgress.org. October 2009.
Matze, Claire. “The Health Effects of Role Reversal“ Babyzone.
Parker-Pope, Tara. “Gay Unions Shed Light on Gender in Marriage“. The New York Times. June 2008.
U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. ”Highlights of Women’s Earnings in 2009″. Report 1025, June 2010.
Williams, Joan C. (2006). ”Want Gender Equality? Die Childless at Thirty”. Women’s Rights Law Reporter, Vol. 27, No. 1, pp. 3-11.
I considered how the characters’ gender roles led to their ultimate fates through a process one can only undertake seriously during the wee hours of darkness and I realized that marriage equality would be a really good thing for everyone.
As a society, we have found ourselves a long way from the cookie cutter image of a dutiful, apron draped wife remaining home and catering to the needs and wants of her husband and 2.5 kids. Family structures have developed into a kaleidoscope of versions with traditional and non-traditional facets coupled together so that the “norm” has become a non-norm. Yet many hold onto an “ideal” that doesn’t work for many Americans anymore for a wide variety of reasons socially and/or economically.
Despite the shift in family structure and function, there are still households that rely on a single income. Though it is primarily the females who continue to perform the domestic tasks, we find more, if only slightly more, men staying home as the women pursue their professional goals. Unfortunately, men are often discriminated against while in the domestic role and women are strained by trying to fill their dual roles. Each endures additional health issues which arise from stepping out of the prescripted roles. Additionally, since women continue to earn only about 77% of what their male counterparts earn once they pass thirty, the disparity in the earnings for a non-traditional household makes the arrangement less desirable. Once you add the societal and economic stresses together, you can see a distinct prohibition to bucking the reins of the system.
It becomes clear that sticking to the mores of a bygone era is not good for our society or our economy. People, male and female alike, should be able to choose their professional paths in a manner that is not determined by their gender and, in the case of a mother-breadwinner, less money in the family structure equals less money into the economic system.
This brings us to marriage equality. Those who argue that gay marriage is an attack against the traditional family are right. However, they miss a certain point: it is a battle against a non-existent norm that has been waged for several decades and is just now seriously beginning to include same-sex couples seeking legal rights and recognition for their place in our society. It is the time to take the fight to the doorsteps of those who want to perpetuate the fantasy.
More than simply allowing couples previously barred from the full spectrum of entitlements of marriage, the full embracement of marriage equality may help alleviate gender constraints and therefore trickle down the effects to heterosexual couples as well. As acceptance, with legal backing, ensues, the discussion of roles will no longer be regulated to just wife or husband but rather to spouses. This change in language usage will help redefine roles and their expectations. The health of partners in non-traditional families could return to normal levels since the associated stress-induced heart disease would be lessened. The value of women could be elevated to its proper place in the workspace and fathers could be free to support their families in a caregiver’s role.
Passing legislation for marriage equality is morally right in that we should respect the wishes of the members in our communities who are in committed relationships and seek to join to one another in a legal manner and, all considerations equal, it would ultimately be good for our changing society. Many of the arguments against gay marriage are found to be false. Despite the insistence that marriage must remain a religious institution or that marriage is for the purpose of procreation, we continually see secular couples marry and many people remain childless.
Perhaps if Andy and Elizabeth had attempted their experiment later, Andy could have relaxed into his new home. Though I think the crazy mailman would still have pushed him over the edge.
Boroditsky, Lera. ”How Language Shapes Thought: The Languages we speak affect our perceptions of the world.” Scientific American. February 2011.
Gartrell, Nanette K., et. al. “Adolescents of the U.S. National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study: Sexual Orientation, Sexual Behavior, and Sexual Risk Exposure.” National Longitudinal Lesbian Family Study. September 2010
Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress. “The Shriver Report: A Woman’s Nation Changes Everything.” AmericanProgress.org. October 2009.
Matze, Claire. “The Health Effects of Role Reversal“ Babyzone.
Parker-Pope, Tara. “Gay Unions Shed Light on Gender in Marriage“. The New York Times. June 2008.
U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. ”Highlights of Women’s Earnings in 2009″. Report 1025, June 2010.
Williams, Joan C. (2006). ”Want Gender Equality? Die Childless at Thirty”. Women’s Rights Law Reporter, Vol. 27, No. 1, pp. 3-11.
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